New Year's resolutions at work

By Thomas Wailgum | Monday, January 11 2010

How many of these apply to you?

It's been little more than a week since the New Year's Eve ball dropped, and people everywhere may have already dropped the ball on fulfilling their important work-related resolutions. How many of these apply to you?

Resolution: "Embrace" social media. First step: Start using Twitter.
Excuse: What the hell is this whale thing?! 'System Overcapacity'?! Huh? I guess I'll try again tomorrow.

Resolution: As a sys admin, I will be more patient toward my company's users.
Excuse: The first-first!-help desk call I get, and it's Glenn over in marketing, who once again (third time since November!) "accidentally got some type of virus...or something." Yeah right, Glenn! Stay away from the Tila Tequila sites, will ya! Moron.

Resolution: On Monday morning, ask my boss for the 5 percent raise I deserve.
Excuse: I walked into her office, and she just gave me that look. I'll go back next week, when she doesn't look so stressed. Or pissed off. Maybe.

Resolution: Start reading The Economist to better understand global business trends and geopolitical issues, and make myself a more knowledgeable employee.
Excuse: Planned on reading it in the bathroom yesterday, but when got in there, a copy of Maxim looked way more interesting. (Have no idea where Economist is now.)

Resolution: Tell my IT staffers how much I value their contributions to the department and the overall company.
Excuse: Those lazy, good-for-nothing jerk-offs screwed up the patches they were supposed to do while I was out on vacation. And they still roll their eyes when I say "alignment." Now where's that outsourcer's number.

Resolution: Learn to use my company's new CRM system.
Excuse: Ya know what, my admin does a much better job at inputting data than me, so why not let her keep doing it? She likes doing it, anyway.

Resolution: I will NOT be a slave to my BlackBerry outside of work! I will NOT be a slave to my BlackBerry outside of work!
Excuse: I'm sorry if it was rude, honey, but I had to respond to that email from Doug. I know it your father's funeral service, but it couldn't wait. Yes, it really was Doug, and no, you do not have to scan my contact list like Tiger's wife.

Resolution: Fix all the bugs in my code before I write new code.
Excuse: I'll go back and fix that bug later. Tomorrow morning. Yup. And that one. That one there. And that one, too. I'll never forget about fixing that one. And those over there. And, of course, that nasty bugger. I swear I can remember it all.

Resolution: Get my head around this whole cloud thing.
Excuse: Flying in the clouds to The Bahamas for some Dark and Stormy drinks counts, right?

Resolution: I have to expand my personal networking efforts.
Excuse: Does leaving even cruder comments (when compared with 2009's entries) on my friends' Facebook pages count?

Resolution: Learn something new about my business every day.
Excuse: Well, after staying late one night to research the company's future, now I know that my boss is having an affair with his admin.

Resolution: I will clean my desk and keep it organised.
Excuse: But I just love the way my empty Diet Coke cans, reams of spreadsheets from 2006 and mess of tech gear make it look like I'm really busy all the time.

Resolution: Go "green" with our data centres.
Excuse: But our company's official corporate colour is red?